If anyone gets too near the wall that ego has built, it feels insecure. It thinks that it is being attacked and then thinks that the only way to defend itself is to ward off the threat by showing an aggressive attitude. However, when one experiences a threat that seems to come from outside—whether it is illness, some undesirable experience in the world, or literal opponents—the only way to develop a balanced state of being is not to try to get rid of those things. Instead, one must understand them and make use of them. This leads one to the concept of nonviolence, the opposite of ego’s game. To develop the nonviolent approach, first of all you have to see that your problems are not really trying to destroy you. 

-Chögyam Trungpa from Smile at Fear

(this is so hard…  but i get it.)